“We don’t make mistakes, just happy little accidents.”
― Bob Ross
Whew! Are you surprised!? We are! We told everyone we know that we are definitely done, made fun of our friends with 4 kids, gave away all of our baby stuff… and then surprise!!! You guys, 4 kids just looks crazy. Am I right!?
We still aren’t exactly sure what happened?! Immaculate conception? Michael Phelps swimmers? We successfully waited for 5 years after we got married before we had kids, so it’s not like we don’t know what to do. However, funny note, the due date is Aurora’s birthday – April 22nd. In both cases that pretty closely correlates with our anniversary – July 22nd. Darn you Portland anniversary trip!!
I kind of thought I would be devastated if we got this news at this point in our lives. It did hit me as shocking, but surprisingly, I wasn’t devastated, I didn’t even cry. After the shock, I just mostly felt thankful for Josh. While we weren’t planning on doing this again, if we’re honest didn’t really want to do this again, I know that we can. We know what to do. We have been doing this whole pregnancy/baby/exhaustion thing for the past 7 years now. We were just starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel and imagine life in a new season. We will still get to that new season. It’s really just a 2 year delay.
I love that Gwyneth Paltrow says to plan your family around how many people you want at the Thanksgiving table in 20 year, not the difficulty of infancy. Yes!
So, how am I handling it? First line of defense is denial. Round 4, do you really even notice you are pregnant!? I can probably just ignore all of those pregnancy symptoms, right? Status quo. Probably can just skip prenatal care. I am imagining just showing up at the hospital in labor and saying, “Hey guys, round 4, we all know what to do, let’s do this!” And honestly, I just kind of want to live normal life. Those first 6 months with a baby can be rough for me. I know we will get through it, but I don’t really want to live in dread or dwell on it this entire pregnancy. I just want to enjoy life as it is for the next 9 months and then we’ll handle it when we get there.
So far this strategy is working terribly. Despite my best efforts to be in denial the “I feel like I just got hit by a truck” tiredness has arrived with the nausea as well. Thankfully, I usually just feel like this the first trimester, and we are just about to the second.
You guys, we’re not even going to try to be tough about this. PLEASE SEND MEALS AND PRAYERS. Forget the warrior princess natural birth thing – epidural all the way! If we gave you baby stuff, yeah we’re gonna need that back (mostly joking). After about 2 minutes of disbelief, we looked at each other and said, “Let’s get a bigger house and an au pair.” Not even joking! Here is what has happened since we found out.
- Week 4: Positive pregnancy test
- Week 6: Put in an offer on a bigger house
- Weeks 7-8: Josh finishes the entire basement of the house we are buying
- Week 9: We move into our new place
- Week 10: Our house goes on the market! (Today)
Just to clarify here, Josh is the completely crazy one. I was voting to wait until after the first trimester, right!? Well, I guess your houses sell better in the Fall than the Winter, and we found a place we really like. My mind is still trying to catch up with everything and Josh is charging ahead with the stamina of an ox. Now that we’re moved in I feel super grateful. He pretty much did all of the heavy lifting to make this happen.
Also, not even joking about the whole au pair thing. Have you heard of this? It is big in bigger cities and we got to see it first hand in DC and it looks pretty amazing. I think I will write another whole blog on this, but here are the highlights – It is a foreign exchange program for women 18-26. It is a full year long commitment. Someone comes from another country and lives with you as part of your family and wants a full immersion experience. In exchange for room and board + a stipend you get 45 hours of childcare/help. *This will actually be less expensive than what we are currently doing. Will I be gone from the house for 45 hrs/wk. Nope. I just don’t want to dread this season or feel complete overwhelm for the whole next year. I think having another person in it with me will make the whole this next season less stressful and more of a fun new experience for the whole family. I will keep you posted on how it goes! We are currently connecting with some awesome girls in Brazil and the Philippines.
Last note – despite the shock and major change in our plans, I was still struck with the awe of new life. Even unplanned, unexpected, (I don’t even want to say unwanted), there was still the sense that the Lord is in this. That the miraculous just happened.
I think John Piper states it perfectly “Occasionally, weep deeply over the life that you hoped would be. Grieve the losses. Feel the pain. Then wash your face, trust God, and embrace the life that he’s given you.”
There is a loss of the vision and plan we had for the next 2 years. We will grieve that and let it go. From here on out we are fully on board, embracing this new life, and trusting God with what He has given us.
PS – our house is for sale (Including the tree house, rope bridge and play place). Check it out >>